ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
