The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
