Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
