it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
