Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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