i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
