Jerry, you need to find god
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
