we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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