theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
