Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dicks are not precious.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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