girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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