I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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