i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
