Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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