i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
