Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
