Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
