Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
