I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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