Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
