So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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