After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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