she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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