what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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