I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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