lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
