dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
