Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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