shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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