You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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