I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
