yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
