Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
