i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
