Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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