you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
