just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
