I could make wine with my vomit
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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