She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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