i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
