At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
