We're facebook friends in real life
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
