there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
