I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
