Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
