I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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