At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
