Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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