So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize