Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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