Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
