I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
