capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
