I want to walk on stilts...naked
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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